If you are a normal person, right now you're saying, 'Velamints? I thought they stopped making them around the time I cut my rattail off, and stopped dressing like the unholy offspring of a cocker spaniel and a barber's pole.
If you don't recall, before that punk Werther brought his caramels and slightly pedophilic commercials showed up on the scene, these were *the* old people mint. Proudly taking their place along side Skor bars , Reisens, and those unidentifiably flavored blue disks everyone avoided in the pick-a-mixes. They're back these days, and while they are fairly tasty, the inner paper wrapper bears this disturbing legend. I can't take a mint out of the box without feeling vaguely molested. Really, 'fits perfectly in your mouth'? glide back again? I know I've seen those same phrases trying to sell me a dildo.
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